(brief pause, then) Yep, that's me.
Are you going to explain this to me?
Actually, I'd rather not.
That's what I was afraid of. May I come in?
You're already in.
course. May I come further inside and perhaps sit down before my knees
give way and spill me onto your not entirely clean carpet?
Sure, Scully. Come in, sit down. Have a cookie.
A cookie, Mulder?
Figure of speech. Sunflower seeds?
No thank you, Mulder.
Well, just thought I'd ask.
And where do you expect me to sit?
it's a bit of a mess I'm afraid. Never got around to cleaning up… Here,
I'll just pull up a chair for you and throw this junk on the floor.
What *is* that?
Oh, just… Some handcuffs, things.
Listen, uhm… Was there anything in particular that you wanted to talk
to me about? Not that I'm not always glad to see you and chat, but it's
rather early in the morning for you to be up and about. I thought you
didn't stay up after two a.m. in the usual run of things. I wouldn't
want you to miss out on your beauty sleep.
I don't *like* to
stay up this late, Mulder. It's not healthy. It is important to
maintain regular sleep cycles. However, you had three severely charred
bodies delivered to me yesterday evening and insisted that I autopsy
them before I leave for Hawaii for my well-deserved and long overdue
vacation, which I will do at eleven in the morning. Today.
Ah. Did you find out what they died of?
Yes, Mulder. In fact, I have the report with me. Here it is.
But that is not why I came by.
I came by because I received an urgent call when I had just finished
the autopsy on the third of your so-called victims of spontaneous
combustion. Let me take the opportunity to note that I can not consider
a combustion accompanied by such vast amounts of chemicals suffusing
every inch of muscular tissue very spontaneous. I admit that it is
unusual for someone to ingest large amounts of combustive chemicals
immediately prior to lighting themselves a cigarette – I admit that I
am not certain as to what kind of chemicals were used – but that is no
reason to conjecture that any paranormal or psychic forces were
You always say that kind of thing. Why do you always
say that kind of thing, Scully? You always find the most complex and
unlikely explanations for phenomena which could be explained by much
simpler theories, theories you refuse to so much as consider on the
sole grounds that they don't fit your preconceived notions of
*But* that is not why I came by. As I was saying,
Mulder, I received an urgent call from A.D. Skinner, who had, in his
turn, received an urgent call from an Agent who had been contacted by –
Scully, I'm rather cold. Could you keep this short, please?
You should turn up the heat in your apartment if you plan on standing
around with no clothes on, Mulder.
I do have clothes on.
In a way, I suppose you might say that. What *is* that?
The gist of the matter is that A.D. Skinner warned me that Krycek has
been seen in town.
Well, thank you for telling me.
You might have phoned me.
I did, in fact, attempt to do so.
Yes, I did, and so did A.D. Skinner. However, you did not answer your
phone either time, Mulder.
Oh. Well, I guess maybe the batteries…
is why I then decided to come by your apartment in person. When you
failed to answer the door, I was afraid that I was too late and Krycek
might already have broken in.
So you decided to come in and have a look around.
Precisely. I believe you will be able to imagine my dismay at finding
that Krycek had indeed arrived here before me.
I really should have the lock exchanged one of these days.
Perhaps you should. Allow me to remark that I am relieved you appear to
have the situation so well in hand.
I was afraid I would find you dead, Mulder. I was afraid that Krycek
would come here to kill you.
Yes. Well. He won't do that. He can't, can he? I've – apprehended him
and put him under restraints.
I can see that, Mulder.
then! That's settled. You're sure you wouldn't like any sunflower
seeds? No? Well, then I guess I'll see you when you get back from
What I would be interested in knowing is why Krycek is not wearing any
And Russians are strange people.
It's the middle of winter, Mulder.
Compared to a winter in Siberia, I'm sure the temperatures here seem
see. So what you are saying is that Krycek, who, being a Russian,
naturally regards anything above the freezing point of helium as balmy
weather, broke into your apartment not wearing any clothing… and you
then overpowered him, handcuffed him, and threw him down on your sofa
in order to interrogate him.
Something like that.
And incidentally, you also happened not to be wearing any clothing at
I *am* wearing clothing.
So you say, Mulder.
Hey, do you know how much this thing cost?
Pray do not enlighten me. I make it a point never to ask men after the
price of their lingerie.
It is *not* lingerie!
Pardon me if I do not know the correct term for your skimpy black
Look, Scully, was there anything else?
Yes, Mulder, there was. If you are trying to interrogate him, then why
is he gagged? Are all Russians ventriloquists?
Of course not! I was going to make a cup of coffee and didn't want to
be forced to listen to his whining all that time.
you know, begging for mercy, promising to tell me everything he knows
if I don't kill him, complaining that it's too hot in here...
Ah. If you have him so intimidated, Mulder, then perhaps you would care
to tell me why he is laughing so hard?
He isn't laughing, Scully. He's in transports of terror. It's the gag,
you can't tell the difference.
Now, there was nothing else, was there?
I think I have seen more than enough.
Yeah, so do I.
I certainly hope you know what you are doing, Mulder.
Of course I do. He keeps coming back, doesn't he?
(pause, then) I'm going to pretend I did not hear that. In fact, I am
going to pretend I did not come here at all.
Good. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to get the false impression.
of all kinds appreciated!